


Exile

by NymphadoraRavenclaw



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Marauders, Missing Scene, Post-Marauders Era (Harry Potter), wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:34:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26205016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NymphadoraRavenclaw/pseuds/NymphadoraRavenclaw
Summary: Sirius Black gave the house he inherited from his family, Grimmauld Place, for meetings of the Order of the Phoenix. The problem is that on such dark days when Voldemort is an undeniable threat and his innocence in relation to the Potter murder has not yet been proven, Sirius is forced to remain in exile in the house that makes him access memories that he would not like to recall. The presence of Remus Lupin, is all that can make his days a little happier and more hopeful.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	Exile

Sirius opened his eyes when he realized that sunlight streaked through the curtain, directed directly at his face. It was certainly Kreacher's fault, he was sure the elf had purposefully pulled the window curtains away while he slept, to bother him in some way.

He grunted before realizing that he couldn't go back to sleep, rising from the bed next. All of his days seemed the same in that cold and even more lonely house now that Harry had returned to Hogwarts, and the Weasley did not show up as often as they once did for Order meetings.

Thinking of his godson was something that minimally comforted his days of confinement in the place that reminded him of bad memories of distant days when he was just a young rebel boy who did not imagine the gravity that the situations he opposed, would take. If he continued to obey to stay safe inside that house, instead of exploring the possibility of going out and fighting, it was due to the prospect of being able to live better days with James and Lily's son, when he was acquitted.

He envisioned, perhaps unrealistic, prospects for future days when he would use his inheritance to buy a house in London, perhaps a small flat, where he would live with Harry and perhaps, with Remus.

Since the announcement of Voldemort's return, he and Remus had spent a good part of their days in the company of each other within the icy walls of Grimmauld Place, both seeking mutual comfort, seeking to deal with the reality of the return of dark days as at the time when their best friends were murdered.

Sirius realized how, even after so many years, Remus was still the same kind and caring person he had met in his teens. The difference was that, after years of distrust from both sides, the relationship between them was no longer the same. It was as if something had been broken and was now being repaired, piece by piece.

The previous Saturday, Remus had accepted Sirius' invitation to dine together under his roof and a silent peace agreement was struck between the two of them, who cooked their own food and dined in silence while Kreacher grumbled about how it was a pleasure not to have to cook for a dirty lycanthrope.

Time had passed, there was no denying it. Remus, who had always been a serious person, had an even more rigid and tired posture, white strands were visible on his hair and his scars were now even deeper. Sirius was happy to be able to look at him closely, to analyze him while he could.

"I know you don't have a fixed place to live yet, Moony, and I want you to know that you can stay here as long as you need to." said Sirius at the end of the meal.

It was an attempt to take another step towards rapprochement, but Remus did not seem to interpret his words so well.

“I don't need charity,” he replied. “Besides, you shouldn't want a potential traitor living in your home, Sirius.”

Remus' words carried hurt and Sirius couldn't judge. He had said that when they were younger and it was increasingly evident that there was a traitor among the members of the Order of the Phoenix. At that point, Sirius and Remus no longer lived together as they decided to do after graduating from Hogwarts, there were no more joyful days when they went around on a motorcycle aimlessly, just with the goal of remaining in the presence of each other without external worries. The fear was real and palpable.

"I really want you to stay Moony," continued Sirius, placing one of his hands over Remus's, insisting on calling him by the way he referred to him when they were younger. “We don't need to distance ourselves as we did before.”

"No, we don't have to," replied Remus breaking the contact between his hands and getting up from the table. "We need to be here for Harry, after all.”

"So he also thinks about the possibility of living with Harry when this is all over," thought Sirius, unable to express his thoughts before Remus left the room, walking up the stairs to the room he used to sleep in when all the members of the Order of the Phoenix were present in the house.

Sirius decided to follow him, not satisfied with the end of the conversation in the kitchen, he stood between the doorjamb of the room while Remus pretended not to notice his presence, arranging his blankets and clothes as if he were alone in the room.

“You know you don't have to stay in the guest room.” said Sirius in yet another attempt at a real approach. “I'm sure my bed is more comfortable than this.”

“I don't want to catch fleas.” Remus replied, now looking directly at Sirius. “ And I think you better go back to your room before Kreacher strikes something that is yours just for the pleasure of teasing you.”

With that, Sirius thought it was best to stop insisting. He went back to his room where he fell asleep, alone, unable to stop thinking about what his life would be like now if they had managed to frame Pettigrew, if Voldemort hadn't come back, if he and Remus had never parted. When he woke up, he realized he was just one more time, been left out, with no prospect of news or contact with anyone.

Since then, Sirius lived day after day between talking unilaterally with Buckbeak, when he took something for the magic bird to eat, and avoiding the picture of Walburga Black that, occasionally, was discovered by Kreacher, causing screams of curses directed at him that could be heard throughout the house. Sirius insisted on remembering one or two more punishments that the elf could apply to himself when that happened and Kreacher, even visibly upset, obeyed him, adding the physical punishments on himself.

He couldn't send owls to Harry, as they were in danger of being intercepted, he couldn't write to Remus, as he had no idea where he was and it seemed to him that Remus didn't really want to be found. It was as if he were trapped inside his own head, repeating the same conversations and memories. There were no dementors this time, but being in that house was equivalent to that.

Between each room, there were memories of his younger self listening to the absurdities his parents said about Muggle-borns, there were memories of the physical reprisals he received, as punishment, for opposing those thoughts, for taking an interest in the way Muggles lived.

He was angry and swore to himself that when he saw Remus again, he would say everything he was keeping in his head, without worrying whether he would hurt him or not. He would say how Remus shouldn't have left him during the First Wizard War, he would talk about the way he felt when he was accused, by his own boyfriend, of being in league with ideologies that he had always been repulsed by.

He would make a point of shouting at Remus, duel with him if necessary, he was not concerned with the fact that he was a werewolf and that, in itself, already caused suffering in his life. All Sirius wanted to do was make Remus suffer just as he was suffering.

He realized, however, that his thoughts would never become action when, the following week, Remus returned to Grimmauld Place, having a tired expression and contents that involved the Order of the Phoenix in his hands.

“Dumbledore wants to ensure that lycanthropes are on our side.” Remus said after crossing the hall where the Walburga painting threatened to start screaming at any sudden movement. “That's why I spent days drawing maps that indicate probable places where they might be.”

He held out to Sirius the scrolls he had carried there, showing the routes he intended to take so that it was possible to contact as many lycanthropes as possible.

“You have to take your safety into account too.” Sirius said, analyzing the maps and talking to Remus as if it hadn't been nearly two weeks since their last meeting, as if there were no unresolved issues between them. “I know that many of the self-exiled lycanthropes are aggressive.”

Remus gave a half smile in response.

“I handled worse things during the twelve years we were apart.” he replied.

Sirius couldn't speak. He still carried the guilt of having suggested that Pettigrew was the one who kept the Potter's secret, of letting himself be taken to Azkaban, making Remus have to deal, alone, with the reality of the lack of perspectives within a society that condemned him.

He made up some excuse to go to the kitchen, leaving Remus alone in the room. He had spent all those days without contact with anyone and now, he could barely cope with the presence of one of the people he most wanted to be around.

His brief solitary moment in the kitchen was interrupted by the call from Remus, who claimed that Harry was at the fireplace and asked to speak to both of them. Seeing his godson produced the undeniable feeling of well-being that Sirius needed so much, and having to talk about how James and Lily were like when they were younger, made that feeling even more intense.

It was nice to be able to remember, along with Remus, of simpler days, to be able to laugh at memories related to two people they loved so much and who were still important to them. The mood remained warm even after Harry's head was gone from the fireplace, and it had nothing to do with the flames it produced.

“I need to speak to Snape urgently, Harry needs to continue the legilimency classes” said Remus, being the first to break the nostalgic atmosphere between them.

“Snivellus remains the same idiot as always, Harry doesn’t need to submit to his presence” replied Sirius with no intention of hiding the disgust he felt, in his tone of voice.

“Harry needs to protect himself from the dark lord and Snape is the best help option, don't be irresponsible, Padfoot!”

Sirius was ready to bat until he was called by his nickname. Padfoot. Remus hadn't referred to him like that in a long time and Sirius couldn't help but smile when he realized that, like him, Remus had also accessed a part of himself that was innocent and naive after talking to Harry.

“He's just as much like James, but he's as sensitive as Lily, isn't he?” said Sirius, easing the tense posture of earlier moments when he was ready to continue to chat with Remus. “He just couldn't believe our arrogant posture when we were younger.”

"Yes," said Remus, also relaxing his posture and approaching Sirius. “He may be rebellious like James, but he has Lily's heart, I couldn't help noticing that when I was a professor at Hogwarts.”

They were both sitting on the sofa facing the fireplace, being heated by the flames that made the room in that cold house a little more cozy. Perhaps, due to these factors, Remus did not seem inclined to walk away from Sirius once again, leaving Grimmauld Place without a return. On the contrary, Remus decided to wrap one of his arms around him and maintained contact in a natural way, as if it were common to be close that way.

And indeed it was. With his head resting on Remus' chest, Sirius felt back to the days when they planned the next place where they would spend the night with a full moon, at a time when freedom was so common that it was not noticed by two young boys who considered themselves invincible.

"Moony," Sirius began, tilting his head up slightly so he could look at him. "You, Harry and I can live together when this is all over, can't we? The sooner I am cleared, the sooner we can finish raising Prongs' son, tell him our stories, tell who his parents were when they were alive.”

This was the first time Sirius had expounded such thoughts and he felt genuine happiness when he met Remus' loving look in response.

“Yes, let's do it, Padfoot. We will be Harry's family.” Remus replied and, to Sirius' biggest surprise, his words came followed by the approach of their faces and lips.

They could stay that way for hours, he didn't object, feeling Remus' hands caressing his hair as if he caressed a dog's ears, was something he could get used to. He had spent so much time missing Remus' presence and contact that he chose to further deepen the kiss they exchanged and could continue like this if it weren't for the interruption caused by Walburga Black's painting.

“That bloody elf!” exclaimed Sirius, interrupting the contact between them. “I will have him punish himself for a few hours after that.”

“Don't be so cruel Padfoot!” Remus said looking at Sirius with reproach. “You have no evidence that this is his fault, or that you did it on purpose.”

“Well, I know it was.” said Sirius getting up from the sofa and heading towards the corridor to cover the annoying painting well enchanted by his family. “Kreacher, when I meet you again, don't expect me to have any kind of compassion!”

The tone of voice he had used to refer to the elf was irritated, but the truth was that the biggest feeling inside was the happiness of not being alone in that house anymore, of being able to count on Remus again.

The weeks that followed were more joyful, Remus could go out to resolve calls from the Order but he always came back, he was always willing to listen to the records that Sirius kept in that cold house, to share his knowledge of magical creatures and defense against the dark arts while Sirius listened carefully.

He realized, however, that he was not the only one interested in Remus' company when he woke up on a Saturday morning and did not find him beside his in bed. Coming down the stairs to look for him, Sirius could hear laughter and lively conversation from the living room.

“Wotcher, Sirius!” the young woman with pink hair and earrings that adorned one ear, greeted Sirius with a beamed. “This time I didn't trip over that umbrella, I got here almost without attracting attention.”

“Almost.’’ Remus echoed looking at Tonks in an amused way. “Except you broke the flower pot when you approached the room's nightstand.”

Tonks laughed at him, which was returned with the same enthusiasm and Sirius thought that the two could remain so, had it not been for his presence.

"But then Nymphadora, what are you doing here?" asked Sirius, trying not to look as hostile as he would like to be.

“First, don't call me Nymphadora, call me Tonks.” replied the woman. “Second, I am here as Auror.”

“Is there a problem with the Order?” he questioned wanting to be aware of the issues related to the cause.

“No problem actually. Moody just wants Remus to meet him Monday night at his house, you know, top secret information.” she rolled her eyes at the latest information, turning to look at Remus next. “We can go together, I have to go to Moody's house anyway.”

He agreed and they both continued to exchange excited dialogues just as they were doing before Sirius entered the room.

When younger, Sirius and Remus continued to go out with other men and women even though they were together, it was never a problem. Feelings related to jealousy were non-existent and, even now, Sirius felt nothing related to this about Remus. On the contrary, he realized he was happy to see how her cousin made him look ten years younger.

There was, however, a small part of him that feared that this proximity would remove Remus from him and prevent the plans, that both had been drawing together, were real.

“Are you alright ?” Remus asked after Tonks left, despite his requests for her to stay with them at Grimmauld Place for a longer time.

Sirius shrugged.

“I just wanted to be more active in the Order, but you already knew that.” he replied, hiding his real anxieties about Tonks' presence.

Remus kissed him briefly before suggesting that, just as they had been doing for the past few days, read one of Newt Scamander's books together while he commented on curiosities that only someone who was once a teacher could know about.

Sitting on the sofa in the living room, Sirius kept his head resting on Remus' chest as he listened to him read aloud about Hinkypunks and Boggarts. He was the closest memory to the one who had been his best friend, he was one of the few people capable of making the heat he felt in his chest now possible.

“What is it, Pads?” Remus asked when he noticed Sirius looking at him. “You don't want me to read anymore?”

"No," he replied. “I'm just happy to have you here, Moony.”

**Author's Note:**

> As i usually say, english isn't my first language so, i will appreciate if you let a comment.  
> That's my version of what happend at the period of that Sirius was at Grimmauld Place and yes, the title is a reference for the folklore song.


End file.
